if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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