I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
