the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
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