I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize