i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
