Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
