DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
