dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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