If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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