He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
