"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
