Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
