Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
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