question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
she told me i tasted like america
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
