pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize