Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
