Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
