I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Randomize
