I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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