I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
