I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
