I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
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