..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
