I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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