i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
