2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
