You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
