Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
