you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
third nipple confirmed
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
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