she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
