you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize