I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
