Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
