I hope mine doesn't look like that
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
