I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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