i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
