I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
