If i come over, it means nothing
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
