Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
She has the best kind of daddy issues
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize