Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
