So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Randomize