I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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