i permit you to call me
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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