Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
