I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
