I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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