i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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