I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
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