i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Sacagawea was the original milf.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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