I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
