please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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