I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
