Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
one might say we're banned from that church
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
