i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize