Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
