The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
