I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
