Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
