what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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