They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
its liver damage thursday
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
