I got chris browned last night
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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