Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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