if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
