Already got asked if we're dating
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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