when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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