At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Boobs speak an international language.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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