we're chasing vodka with high fives
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize