Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize