Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
