I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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