Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
