It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
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