There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
The police scanner is talking about you again....
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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