why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
